Thursday, November 18, 2010

A Mother's Love for Her First-Born



I have given birth to two children in the last five years. I love both of them in very different ways. I love them both with a fierce protection. If I think about it too long and too hard, I would collapse from the intensity of the emotions that I feel for them. As my first born is entering his "big-kid" phase, I feel as if I am beginning this parenting thing all over again.



In so many ways, your first born is the guinea pig. They get all of it...your time, your attention, your worry, your doting. Lucas has multiple scrapbooks I've made for him...I havent even begun Cason's and he is nearly 1!

I was so immature when I had him, and in many ways I grew up with him. My parenting style was anything but consistent when he was little. He has learned with me as I have learned. I've made many mistakes (haven't we all?), but he is turning out to be a pretty good kid. ;)



How is it that the little boy who could not leave my side is about to start Kindergarten? The little boy who was obsessed with Diego and the Wonder Pets is now obsessed with baseball and wrestling, and has a crush on Carrie Underwood? In so many ways, he is still a little boy, and yet, I see tiny glimpses of the man he is turning into. I feel like I am treading on thin ice some days. Do I push him harder? Do I let him fall and learn on his own? Someone recently told me it was time to start letting him go a little, and I thought... Now? No, now is the time for guidance. Now is the time to be his cheerleader. Now is the time to let him know that he has to work hard for his character, work hard for integrity, work hard for the grades, work hard if he wants to be grand.


I've learned to set the standards high. If the standards are low, that is what he will deliver. If the standards are high, than he will try. And in the end, that is what I really want from him. Not perfection, but that he tried his hardest.

There will be plenty of time for letting go later.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.


I am thankful that I have this child in my life...and pray for daily guidance in the ways to rear him.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Honesty

A couple of weeks ago, someone sent me a message, asking on tips of how I stay so organized and together and dressed cute with two children. I seriously wanted to lay on the floor and laugh like a hyena for about an hour.

Because the truth is? I have never in my life been so disorganized, messy, frazzled, absent minded, and exhausted as since I became a mother. I don't feel like I have anything together. I spend a lot of days wondering if other mothers of small children feel like me or if they are as together and neat and organized as they seem?

I have always been a neat freak and I still try to keep my house clean but the truth is - with a pre-schooler who is constantly making messes, climbing on furniture or running from room to room – and a 9 month old that is following in big brothers footsteps, I can't do anything during my time at home but keep up with them. So the only time I can clean is nap time on the weekends, or after they go to bed. And partly because I work full time and partly because taking care of two active boys is exhausting - I have to be honest and say even though I make really ambitious lists every day of things I want to accomplish - I find myself most days during their sleep hours locking myself in the bathroom, instead of mopping the floors and doing laundry. I often wonder how four people can make SO much laundry and why does it always seem to be so piled up. I can't imagine how families of 6 or 8 do it!

Years ago I pictured my life as a mom and I imagined having the cleanest house ever and having home cooked four course meals every night and I would be so relaxed. Life now is not as I pictured. I never knew it would be so hard. I never knew I would be lucky to get anything cooked at night because it's hard to do anything with too much effort when you have to keep dragging your child out of dumpster diving in your trash or putting their toys in the dog's water bowl or somehow sneaking their bike up the stairs and into the shower without your knowing it… (still trying to figure that one out). I never dreamed I would spend a lot of weekends in sweats with no make-up just wondering when I might take a shower. I never dreamed I would lose just about everything I own and not know if I was coming or going most days because I was so tired. Is it just me or does anyone else feel this way?


I just wonder if all of you out there always have clean houses and laundry folded? Do you always have things organized or do you sit in the pediatrician’s office and say things like "I'm not sure what night it was he had fever or when he actually sprained his ankle because I haven't had a full night of sleep in nine months and I'm too tired to think?" Do you get sweaty and frazzled just trying to grocery shop with your kids? Or sitting in a waiting room? I'm a nervous wreck trying to keep them quiet and well behaved and always wondering what people are thinking of my skills as a mother.

I do a terrible job of making my husband feel special, keeping up with all my friends on a regular basis, remembering family birthdays, and you probably know I'm especially bad at keeping up with answering emails. Most nights I will open up my inbox and sigh and I want to write back and I'm just too exhausted to think. I always imagined me having amazing long quiet times with God in all my free time and that is one thing I have let slide that I regret and try to work on daily.

I'm not saying any of this to complain because I love my life. But I SURE don't have it together and I never want to make anyone think I do. We were watching a video from Deeper Still recently and Priscilla Shirer was sharing some things about being the mother of small children and I just sat and wept because I felt so much better to know if this Godly woman was saying sometimes she just counted down the hours until bedtime - maybe I was a normal mom. Maybe if other mothers feel stressed and disorganized and don't have perfect children and aren't perfect themselves - maybe we are all in this club together. I may not be Mrs. Cleaver - but I bet she wasn't always perfect either under those pearls and aprons. I bet she had meltdowns and lost her car keys (and would have lost her cell phone if she had one) and lost her temper with the Beaver at times too. I bet she sometimes even yelled at Ward when he got home because if he didn't help with Wally and the Beav for just a few minutes she was going to lose her mind.

The pictures that I e-mail and share are definitely edited versions! I rarely include the ones in which Cason is blood red, screaming his head off or the ones of Lucas rolling his eyes, or the ones of me with the hair I rolled out of bed with, no makeup and sporting my ‘fat’ pants. But that is how I look a lot of days. And that's okay. Because I wouldn't trade my imperfect life for a perfect one any day!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Dear Cason,







Dear Cason,

Today, you are 6 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days old! At your 6 month check-up, you weighed in at 18.4 lbs, and measured 26 ¾” long. Big boy!! Recently, you have started to:
Crawl…. Slowly, quickly, on your knees, and on your toes!
Say, “Da-da”. Sometimes, mainly when you are upset or hungry, you cry, “A-ma”, which to me translates as Mama.
Pull up on … everything! Furniture, peoples legs, stairs, toys, anything and everything you can get your hands on.

You are getting more accustomed to eating. You like squash, bananas, mashed potatoes, apples, pears, corn, sweet potatoes and strawberries-n-bananas. You don’t care for sweet green peas, or carrots, too much. You’re favorite is oatmeal cereal mixed with a touch of banana. Yumm!

This week, you have really started to “play”. You love your toys. We keep them in a basket in the living room and you know right where they are!! You love to dump the basket out and scatter them all over the floor, and do your best to climb into the basket. Funny, your favorite things to play with are shoe boxes, baskets, and empty paper towel rolls!

Bath-time is definitely a fun time in our house. You love to splash and play, especially when Lucas is in the tub with you. As soon as I take you into the bathroom and you see him in the tub you just start laughing! We have made several trips to the pool and you love to be there too! Water baby.

Half a year has flown by, baby boy! Before we know it, we will be planning your first birthday party and watching you walk!

Pre-K


Pre-K. You heard me. Pre-K. My oldest baby boy started Pre-K this morning. Can’t believe the last (almost) five years have gone by so quickly. I love you, Lucas and can’t wait to see what is in store for you over the next years!

Father of all mercies

We ask that you would bless

the youngest and littlest of learners,

the most helpless and powerless of persons,

with Your infinite and loving mercy,

granting them the strength to learn, concentrate,

and act appropriately towards their teachers and fellow students.

We also ask that You would watch over them,

at home and at school

and grant them proper direction so that they may learn

of Your wonderful virtues.

We ask this in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen


Friday, August 13, 2010

Twenty Interesting Things...

Here are twenty interesting facts about the actress who starred as Scarlett O’Hara—the beautiful, one-eyebrow raising Vivien Leigh. (As always, feel free to shout out more facts you might know about, or point out any inaccuracies you might notice.)

There’s never been another like her.

1. When she began working with a talent agent at the beginning of her career, her married name was Vivian Holman. Her agent wanted her to change her name to “April Morn.” She instead chose Vivien (changed spelling) Leigh, after her husband Herbert Leigh Holman.

2. Vivien Leigh and Lawrence Olivier met and fell in love while filming Fire Over England in 1937. They were both married at the time, and continued their affair until their respective spouses granted them divorces. Leigh and Olivier were married in 1940. Katharine Hepburn was one of only two witnesses.

3. Vivien and her ex-husband Leigh Holman remained close throughout her life.

4. Vivien Leigh was quoted as saying that she never forgave the first critic who gave her a favorable review and called her a “great actress” because it put what she described as “such an onus and such a responsibility onto me, which I simply wasn’t able to carry.”

5. She ultimately won the role of Scarlett over Paulette Goddard, Jean Arthur, Joan Bennett, who had been narrowed down for the part.

6. Both Scarlett O’Hara’s and Vivien Leigh’s parents were French and Irish.

7. In the famous “I’ll never be hungry again” scene in Gone With the Wind—the part where Scarlett snarfs down a radish, then vomits—the vomiting noises had to be recorded by Olivia de Havilland. Whether this was because Vivien Leigh could not produce a realistic enough retching sound OR refused to do it because it wasn’t ladylike remains a point of dispute.

8. Vivien Leigh was paid between $25,000 and $30,000 for her role of Scarlett. (Clark Gable was paid $120,000 for his role as Rhett Butler.)

9. The actor who played Beau Wilkes (Melanie and Ashley Wilkes’ young son) in Gone With the Wind would later say that Vivien Leigh was very kind to him and was “one of the loveliest ladies” he had ever met.

10. Vivien Leigh was 25 when she filmed Gone With the Wind. The actress who played her mother was 28.

11. Vivien Leigh, a British actress, won two Oscars—both for playing the part of Southern belles: for Scarlett O’Hara/Gone With the Wind and Blanche DuBois/A Streetcar Named Desire.

12. Tennessee Williams (author of A Streetcar Named Desire) said that Leigh as DuBois was “everything that I intended, and much that I had never dreamed of.”

13. Vivien Leigh later said that it was playing the role of Blanche DuBois that finally “tipped me over into madness.”

14. Vivien Leigh suffered from bipolar disorder for years. Olivier later wrote about it extensively in his autobiography, and referenced many ways in which the illness hampered both her career and personal contentment, and their relationship. He wrote “Throughout her possession by that uncannily evil monster, manic depression, with its deadly ever-tightening spirals, she retained her own individual canniness – an ability to disguise her true mental condition from almost all except me, for whom she could hardly be expected to take the trouble.”

15. Leigh and Olivier divorced in 1960. She would later say that she “would rather have lived a short life with Larry [Olivier] than face a long one without him.”

16. Leigh reportedly had disproportionately large hands, and wore gloves frequently to cover them up. (Leigh was 5’3″)

17. Vivien Leigh was regarded as one of the most beautiful actresses of her time, and both Olivier and George Cukor lamented that her acting talents were often overlooked by her beauty. Cukor said that Leigh was “the consummate actress, hampered by beauty.”

18. Tuberculosis, from which Leigh had also suffered for years, was the ultimate cause of her death.

19. As a publicity maneuver, fans of Gone With the Wind (the book) were asked to vote by ballot as to who should play Scarlett in the movie. Out of hundreds of ballots, Vivien Leigh received one vote.

20. After Gone With the Wind premiered, The New York Times summed up how perfect she’d been for the role: “Miss Leigh’s Scarlett has vindicated the absurd talent quest that indirectly turned her up. She is so perfectly designed for the part by art and nature that any other actress in the role would be inconceivable.”

And I say amen to that.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

HI

Sorry for the boring title I just have so much to blog about that I wasn't sure what I should title this post so for now it is Hi. I hate that I have gone a whole month and I haven't updated my blog. Between taking care of kiddos, keeping up with our house, working, and spending time with Heath it leaves little time to blog. I could stay up late and blog, but right now I prefer to sleep so I typically go to bed between 9 and 10 PM. It can be overwhelming and stressful at times to be a working mommy, but it is all so worth it. I cherish the evenings and weekends with my little family. Our house might not be the cleanest, we may have piles of laundry, and stained carpet… but in the end, none of that matters anyway. The time we have spent together will make up our precious memories!

In the past several weeks we’ve had a lot going on, as usual!! At the beginning of July we enjoyed celebrating the 4th of July with family. It poured down rain for most of the day, but we still made the most of it ! We spent the day at Heath’s parents house with 2 of his cousins and their wives. After it stopped raining, we headed down to the community pool that overlooks Lake Livingston. At dark, we watched an awesome fireworks display poolside. Lucas loved it as usual. I was a little concerned that Cason might be scared of the noise, but literally everytime a firecracker would “pop”, he would laugh out loud. The more they popped, the more he laughed and eventually it turned into a full blown belly rolling laugh! Too cute. We’ve celebrated a few birthdays with friends, had some awesome dinners at our home and at friends home, and obtained a new dog… more on that later.

Also, this month, Heath and I joined the world of iphone users. It is definitely fun but also a detriment to my productivity at times. Now, the new has worn off and it’s not as hard to put it down though. It brings to light a totally different world and I really can’t remember what its like not to have the internet world at my fingertips or in my pocket when needed!

We have really been working with Lucas this month on swimming. He is doing so well and we are just both so very proud of him. When we go a week or so between visits to the pool, he is a little apprehensive at first about getting into water that he can’t stand up in, which is understandable. His confidence is growing every time we go though. Once he warms up, he is our little fish, swimming both under and above water, even in the deep end. Can’t believe my little boy is growing so quickly. I am so proud of him.

Towards the end of July, my good friend Lisa came to town to help with a wedding. Afterwards, Lisa, Jill and myself met for some Mexican food and visiting. It also happened to be Lisa’s 25th birthday. We had a great time catching up and visiting and even gossiping a little! I miss her so much and can’t wait to see her and Jake again. Hopefully soon we can go see them.

The last weekend of the month, Chad had a surprise 30th birthday for Tree. It was a luau themed party at one of their friend’s pool. SO nice!! Tree was very surprised and we all had a great time (especially the kiddos, who got to swim in their awesome pool, which included a rock waterfall and slide!)

Cason hit the 6 month mark this month also, and is already crawling. Not just scooting or army-crawling either, full-blown crawling! Just this week he started pulling up on the furniture as well. He is just too big for his 6 month britches, if you ask me! He is progressing well with eating solid foods. I am proud to say that even though I work full time, I continue to breastfeed exclusively. I am very fortunate to have a job and supervisor that allow a time and comfortable place for me to pump during the day so that he can only have breast milk while at daycare. My initial goal was to do this until he was 6 months old, so from here on out I will play it by ear as to his needs and wants. I am very happy and proud that he has gone the first six months with no formula whatsoever!

Last Friday, Lucas’ class took a field trip to the city pool and aquatic center. There is a large “spray-ground” and a kid sized water slide. Heath and I both took off and went with him. The fun in the sun and water was a nice break from the work day! Lucas had a blast with his class and teachers. This week is his last week as a preschooler. As of Monday, he will officially be in Pre-K! I can’t believe it. Sunday night we have a meet and greet at the church/school to meet his new teacher and see his new classroom. It is a bittersweet moment for me as I am so sad that my little baby boy is growing up so quickly!! I am also so proud to be his mommy and so proud of how smart, funny, and sweet he is!

Towards the end of the month, we made a surprise visit to Granny. Aunt E, Lauren, and all of us went to Crockett and surprised her. We had a nice visit and a nice lunch!

We snapped a few family shots this past month as well, hopefully they will upload! We have several things going on in August and September that will be fun blogging material. Fall ball is starting up soon, and we are taking a mini vacation!! Also in the coming months are planning for Lucas’ 5th birthday party, helping with a friend’s wedding, and hopefully lots of fun with friends and family. Hopefully I will be able to keep up and keep the blog rolling!!