Goals, Prayers, and TV

Well...I find myself not knowing what to do.  The boys are staying with Papaw & Nana tonight and Heath is working.  I have to make this quick because I am in need of some uninterrupted television time that doesn’t involve The Outdoor Channel or Phineas and Ferb. The backlog of shows on my DVR right now is shameful. If someone walked in and looked at my DVR they might get the impression that I don’t love T.V. at all. And they would be so wrong. 
So I plan to start with Parenthood and end with Storage Wars and perhaps catch up on a little White Collar.
Goals in life are good.

All jokes aside, I've been working hard.  I've had several portait sessions to shoot and edit, ball games to attend, and meetings to manage (all of this after 5p).  I've been doing a lot of writing in the evenings- it helps me unwind from the day.  This thought came into my head last week and I have been trying to write it down on paper ever since.


Finally, thanks to my friend...I pieced it together, so here ya go..

I have a very close friend that is pregnant. She is due to have a little boy in February, her first. We have been talking a lot about how my pregnancies were, what I did in certain situations and this has lead to some very deep conversations. Because all of us mama's know that once you are pregnant, things change. Everything in life becomes a little more meaningful. I mean, this is your kid we are talking about here. This is a huge deal. I know, when I was pregnant with both boys there were two prayers I would continuously prayed: "Lord, give him a PASSION for you. Let him chase after you his whole life" and "Lord keep him safe, healthy and free from disease. Watch over him and protect him from harm". And still, every single day without fail I pray these two prayers over my boys.There have been some times- few and far between, but there have been times when I was scared to death about something going on with one of them. Either sick, or hurt, or troubled over something. At the time, each seemed to be the hardest time of my life. And yet through those hard periods - I drew closer to God. I saw Him move in ways I had never known before. I saw Him work and still continue to see Him get glory from our trials and stories. Through the ashes of a hard time – not necessarily with my kids but during various trials with friends, and other family, He has given me so much beauty and opened so many doors to share my faith than I ever could have dreamed.

I am learning that praying for "health and safety" and praying for "a closeness to God" may not necessary go hand in hand. God has been teaching me this over and over in the last few weeks.

A few weeks ago I was chatting with a friend about praying for our families. I shared how I had a lot of anxiety for my children and I just prayed constantly that God would protect them. When the time came around for my wise friend to share........she spoke something that has been circling in my head on constant re-play every day since. She said that she used to be the same way and one day God changed her prayers and she began to pray that He would just make them like Him. And if that meant her boys had to go through struggles or hard things in order to be closer to God - then she wouldn't want to pray for protection from that.

 That hit me like a ton of bricks. I know without a doubt that it's the hard things in my life that have always made me seek Him. It's the tough times when I had no one else to turn to that I learned to trust in God. I want my boys to have a "perfect" tear free, pain free life........but that might be a life where they don't need to depend on God. And that's the polar opposite of the one thing I truly want for them.

Another time recently, I was chatting with a friend (Bryson’s mom) and once again we began to discuss this very thing. Fear is the opposite of trusting God. And we can trust God with the little things in our lives as well as the most important things in all our lives - our children. He made them. He numbered the hairs on their heads. He already knows the plans for them (Jeremiah 29:11) We are kidding ourselves as parents if we truly think we are "in control" here.

I'm not saying to just be reckless and tell your kids to go and play in the street because "God is in control" or to not try to do everything you can to protect them and keep them safe. But I think at some point we just have to "Let go and Let God" and pray that God uses them.

I have a stubborn streak and when God wants me to learn something .....He often has to really hit me over the head with it, several times. I'm also sometimes not a patient person so God has had to teach me lessons the hard way. Clearly I wasn't going to learn trusting on His timing with just one area. So two discussions were not going to be enough for me to realize God is trying to teach me to change my prayers and my focus for the boys.

I was reading a blog last night, and the author wrote that God had just given her this message to share with all the moms reading, to just "relax". And then she proceeded to say almost WORD for WORD what I have said here above. I'm not the smartest girl in the world but I had to raise the white flag and say "Okay God - I get it".
She shared that being conformed in the image of Christ is NOT easy. As parents - we are to raise up disciples. What a concept, huh? Our biggest job is not making sure our children are the smartest or the sweetest - but that they are following Christ.

Something she said that really struck me was this:
"Don't be the reason your kids choose comfort and safety". I don't want Lucas and Cason to decide to take a desk job rather than following a calling to Africa to work as a missionary because I have instilled fear into them. Raise BRAVE kids. I don't want Lucas and Cason to remain silent in high school because they are scared to share their faith. Or because they think their mother will be a nervous wreck.

My prayers are changing. And it's hard. I DO want my boys to be safe and healthy. But the safest place you can be is the center of God's will. And that's exactly what I'm praying they will always be in. Whether that's a football coach in Texas or a missionary in the Middle East. My prayer is that they will be bold, courageous men for Jesus. That they will have a passion for Him. Period. No matter what path gets them there.

Maybe that wasn't so quick, but hopefully you suffered through it with me!  Farewell for tonight, I have a date with my pillow.

a little of this...

and a little of that. 

 We've been spending a lot of time lately, just focussing on the important things,

like spending time with family. 

 Because, as we started our week two weeks ago, on September 11, 2012, we were reminded of how important family is.  We were reminded that we are not promised tomorrow.  We were reminded that no one is exempt from heartache and loss. 

So, we have been laying low, remembering, reminiscing, and focussing on the important stuff.  

Stuff like running to Grapeland at the last minute with Papaw and Nana. 

 

We've spent a lot of time outside, because most of you know that the outdoors are our sanctuary.  

 

 

 

 

 

On September 11, 2012, we lost a friend.  He wasn't perfect.  He made a lot of mistakes in life.  But I am sure of one thing... before he passed that early Tuesday morning, he was ok.  His heart was in the right place.  And he is in no more pain.  He is with the One that loves all of His children regardless of their past.  It is weird... I will have to tell you about it sometime.  It's like he had a premonition and knew his time was short.  He made things right with a lot of people before he made that U-turn that morning.  He asked for forgiveness from the right people before the accident that took his life.  A man I love and adore once said, "you never get over it, you never forget it, but you just learn to live with it".  So, we have been doing just that. Living with it. 

RIP Kyle Lane Webb- you certainly left tattoos on this town. 



Down where I was born was heaven on earth
Where  the Trinity River washes that brown Texas dirt
The sun sets slow and the stars shine bright


We raised cotton and corn, a little cane and kids
You either lived on a farm or wished you did
And Jesus always walked close by our side
Where I grew up, we rode in trucks

There's a lot about life we learned on the bus
How to lie, how to fight, how to kiss, how to cuss
The closer we sat to the back, the smarter we got

We were poor, we were ugly, we were all best friends
Wide-eyed, baptized but still wantin' to sin
Thank God, we get more than just one shot
Where I grew up, we rode in trucks

That's us haulin' hay in the field with the radio on
That's us headin' straight into town when the work was done
In my mind I can still see us now, ridin' down Jack Schaeffer Road
It wasn't that long ago

We thought tobacco and beer in a can
Was all it would take to be like our old man
Then I saw how it made my momma cry

It was huntin' and fishin' and football games
Then it was girls and everything changed
Fallin' in and out of love, we rode in trucks

That's us with our tailgates down in the parking lot
That's us with mud on our tires when it rained a lot
In my mind I can still see us now, ridin' down Jack Schaeffer Road
It wasn't that long ago, it's a part of my soul, yeah It's a part of my soul, yeah

Down where I was born was heaven on earth
Where the Trinity River washes that brown Texasdirt
The sun sets slow and the stars shine bright
Where I grew up, we rode in trucks

Bryson is 1

Most of you (ok, all of you) who read this blog know me very well, which means you have been keeping up with my friend Bryson for the past year.  As you may know, Bryson was born with an extremely rare lung disease.  In fact, the disease is SO rare ... it's about as common as finding a penguin in Puerto Rico (to hear his dr. tell it).  That disesase, PIG (click here for more info), combined with the even more rare genetic mutation, is unheard of. He is truly a miracle.  I won't go into all of the details, but this little boy just amazes me.  He has defied all odds during this last year.  He is ALWAYS smiling and laughing and is just such a happy baby.  He is a true joy to be around.  His mom, my friend Brittany, was telling me tonight that he loves to pull his trach out of his neck and watch them all flock to him in a panic... then literally roll over because he is laughing so hard.  People like him really are what makes this world go 'round. 

I had the honor of taking pictures for Tim and Brittany during Bryson's party, so I thought I'd share a few with all of you:


 

 

 

This is Bryson's friend Noel.  She was one of his nurses from the very beginning. He loves her!

 

 

Gah. I am such a sap.  This picture of Bryson's grandpa (Tim's dad) just makes me cry.

I LOVE this family so much.

This family is such an inspiration.  They have truly been to the ends of the Earth and back this last year.  Their faith was put to the test in one of the hardest ways possible...by holding their child and not knowing from one hour to the next what was to be.

The middle brother Mason is so much like my Cason and  he just warms my heart with his smiles and freckles.  I love these boys like they were my own.

 

 

Bryson thinks his papaw is pretty cool.

 

 

And he loves his Granny too!