Goals, Prayers, and TV

Well...I find myself not knowing what to do.  The boys are staying with Papaw & Nana tonight and Heath is working.  I have to make this quick because I am in need of some uninterrupted television time that doesn’t involve The Outdoor Channel or Phineas and Ferb. The backlog of shows on my DVR right now is shameful. If someone walked in and looked at my DVR they might get the impression that I don’t love T.V. at all. And they would be so wrong. 
So I plan to start with Parenthood and end with Storage Wars and perhaps catch up on a little White Collar.
Goals in life are good.

All jokes aside, I've been working hard.  I've had several portait sessions to shoot and edit, ball games to attend, and meetings to manage (all of this after 5p).  I've been doing a lot of writing in the evenings- it helps me unwind from the day.  This thought came into my head last week and I have been trying to write it down on paper ever since.


Finally, thanks to my friend...I pieced it together, so here ya go..

I have a very close friend that is pregnant. She is due to have a little boy in February, her first. We have been talking a lot about how my pregnancies were, what I did in certain situations and this has lead to some very deep conversations. Because all of us mama's know that once you are pregnant, things change. Everything in life becomes a little more meaningful. I mean, this is your kid we are talking about here. This is a huge deal. I know, when I was pregnant with both boys there were two prayers I would continuously prayed: "Lord, give him a PASSION for you. Let him chase after you his whole life" and "Lord keep him safe, healthy and free from disease. Watch over him and protect him from harm". And still, every single day without fail I pray these two prayers over my boys.There have been some times- few and far between, but there have been times when I was scared to death about something going on with one of them. Either sick, or hurt, or troubled over something. At the time, each seemed to be the hardest time of my life. And yet through those hard periods - I drew closer to God. I saw Him move in ways I had never known before. I saw Him work and still continue to see Him get glory from our trials and stories. Through the ashes of a hard time – not necessarily with my kids but during various trials with friends, and other family, He has given me so much beauty and opened so many doors to share my faith than I ever could have dreamed.

I am learning that praying for "health and safety" and praying for "a closeness to God" may not necessary go hand in hand. God has been teaching me this over and over in the last few weeks.

A few weeks ago I was chatting with a friend about praying for our families. I shared how I had a lot of anxiety for my children and I just prayed constantly that God would protect them. When the time came around for my wise friend to share........she spoke something that has been circling in my head on constant re-play every day since. She said that she used to be the same way and one day God changed her prayers and she began to pray that He would just make them like Him. And if that meant her boys had to go through struggles or hard things in order to be closer to God - then she wouldn't want to pray for protection from that.

 That hit me like a ton of bricks. I know without a doubt that it's the hard things in my life that have always made me seek Him. It's the tough times when I had no one else to turn to that I learned to trust in God. I want my boys to have a "perfect" tear free, pain free life........but that might be a life where they don't need to depend on God. And that's the polar opposite of the one thing I truly want for them.

Another time recently, I was chatting with a friend (Bryson’s mom) and once again we began to discuss this very thing. Fear is the opposite of trusting God. And we can trust God with the little things in our lives as well as the most important things in all our lives - our children. He made them. He numbered the hairs on their heads. He already knows the plans for them (Jeremiah 29:11) We are kidding ourselves as parents if we truly think we are "in control" here.

I'm not saying to just be reckless and tell your kids to go and play in the street because "God is in control" or to not try to do everything you can to protect them and keep them safe. But I think at some point we just have to "Let go and Let God" and pray that God uses them.

I have a stubborn streak and when God wants me to learn something .....He often has to really hit me over the head with it, several times. I'm also sometimes not a patient person so God has had to teach me lessons the hard way. Clearly I wasn't going to learn trusting on His timing with just one area. So two discussions were not going to be enough for me to realize God is trying to teach me to change my prayers and my focus for the boys.

I was reading a blog last night, and the author wrote that God had just given her this message to share with all the moms reading, to just "relax". And then she proceeded to say almost WORD for WORD what I have said here above. I'm not the smartest girl in the world but I had to raise the white flag and say "Okay God - I get it".
She shared that being conformed in the image of Christ is NOT easy. As parents - we are to raise up disciples. What a concept, huh? Our biggest job is not making sure our children are the smartest or the sweetest - but that they are following Christ.

Something she said that really struck me was this:
"Don't be the reason your kids choose comfort and safety". I don't want Lucas and Cason to decide to take a desk job rather than following a calling to Africa to work as a missionary because I have instilled fear into them. Raise BRAVE kids. I don't want Lucas and Cason to remain silent in high school because they are scared to share their faith. Or because they think their mother will be a nervous wreck.

My prayers are changing. And it's hard. I DO want my boys to be safe and healthy. But the safest place you can be is the center of God's will. And that's exactly what I'm praying they will always be in. Whether that's a football coach in Texas or a missionary in the Middle East. My prayer is that they will be bold, courageous men for Jesus. That they will have a passion for Him. Period. No matter what path gets them there.

Maybe that wasn't so quick, but hopefully you suffered through it with me!  Farewell for tonight, I have a date with my pillow.