My Bad Friend

Random fact about me: After our boys fall asleep I go in their room, cover them back up and watch them sleep for a few minutes. I just love seeing them all sweet and peaceful, something I rarely see during the day. I like to pray over them and whisper how much I love them in their ears. Then I make sure they know Jesus loves them. Even when their sleeping I want them to know how much they've always been loved and wanted. It's one of my favorite times of day.

I spoke with a friend not long ago, and it was mostly about an eating disorder she used to struggle with, but it was also about how a big portion of my life has centered around rejection. After we finished talking, my friend referenced something I had said on Mothers Day. In Sunday School, when asked what we hoped our children would say about their parents 20 years from now my response was that I hoped they would know they were always loved and wanted. My friend simply stated that she now understood why that was important to me. And, honestly, it really is.

You see, my Mom and Dad divorced when I was young and I haven't had much to do with them since then. Or, I guess I should say that they haven't had much to do with me since then.  My grandparents raised my brother and I.  I can't even remember what they look like sometimes. Over the years I've battled with some pretty big rejection over that. I've done some healing but when I had my boys it took a whole new turn. I just thought about how nothing in this whole world would ever keep me from seeing them. Not money, time, jobs, other relationships. Nothing. I'm already looking into where we are going to college some day. Ha! *kidding. sort of.

It just baffles me when I think about it. Though this blog post might lend you to think differently, I really don't think about it very much at all. Unless someone brings it up or I'm with a close friend talking about deep subjects, or I start looking at old pictures. 
As most women in America do, I struggle with insecurity. Big time. My friend boldy sent me a copy of Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity because she and I both know I need to read it. I struggle with being liked, being wanted, being worth anyone's time, wondering if I have any talents, body image, if I'm replaceable. All things, that I'm realizing from this book are from life circumstances I've let take root in my life.

Maybe you don't struggle with insecurity, and Praise the Lord if you don't! But if you do, in any way, I recommend grabbing a copy and reading it cover to cover as soon as possible. No matter what your root is, we have a Perfect Heavenly waiting for us, never absent, always present.

Like Beth says, insecurity has been a bad friend and quite frankly I'm tired of it hanging around.