About the same

“Monica, how is your mom?”

I hear these words all the time. I hear them at work, at church, and at the baseball field. I hear them during the week and on the weekends, at restaurants and meetings. I even hear them at home. I am a fairly private person regarding most things, and this is one of them. So, my blanket response is usually: “about the same”.

But, really, she isn’t about the same. In one sense, physically, she is worse. Her pain is almost unbearable at times and she cries herself to sleep. Speaking of sleep, she does that a lot too. I think sleep is the only time when she really feels ok, or numb. I will spare the rest of the horrid details about her health. Every aspect of her life is really a mess, and she has spent most of her life in pure turmoil about one thing or another. She really knows no peace here on Earth. I could talk for days about the endless crap in her life. (Like the fact that my stepdad left her, she has no money, no car, and is still caring for my half brother (13)…more on that later.) I am doing by best to figure out a way to fix all this and come up with a solution… but I am rather certain there isn’t one.

On the flip side, despite all the mess, she is certain of one thing- her faith in God. Although her emotional, physical and mental state comes and goes, her spiritual well being is GOOD. She knows that one day soon, she will be at perfect peace. She is going to Heaven! I cried when she told me, tears of joy of course. It was something I had wondered for a long time, so finally I just asked her. If there is nothing else I can do for her, I wanted to be sure that she knew Jesus before she left us. And she does. We had a long conversation about Him and faith. A lot of really terrible things have happened to her in her lifetime, most of which she has shared with me these last few months. Some of them have haunted and troubled me countless nights, and I am still learning to cope with a lot of it.

Not long after we talked about our Savior, I heard this story on the KSBJ morning show on my way to work and needless to say, had to reapply my mascara after crying my way through the work traffic!
While the details of the story are not the same as my mom’s background (she’s always acknowledged Jesus as the Son of God), it still hit very close to home. Thought I’d share it tonight.

Never Never Never Give Up.

My Dad always acknowledged Jesus as a good man but certainly not the Son of God. At times he seemed to be more Agnostic than Atheist. After a life time of conversations with him about God and Jesus we felt defeated by the time he was diagnosed with incurable cancer. In his last months of life he told us not to visit him and not to talk to him about God. He said he didn't believe in God and didn't want us to try to change his mind. I cried… A lot! I prayed…. A lot! We all did. I shared my pain with close friends and my kids. My kids don’t appear to be that close to God right now but they did understand the depth of my anguish and sorrow. We couldn’t catch a plane in time to say good bye to Dad last week. He passed before we even boarded the plane. One sister lives closer to Dad on the Coast and was able to see him in his last hours. He was in ICU. He was telling his wife about the beautiful butterfly in the room, how beautiful its wings were. He then raised his hand so the butterfly could rest upon his finger! My sister was next to visit with Dad. In the quiet of the room, in Dad’s last hours, he turned to my sister, locked eyes with her and said to her “JESUS IS MY SAVIOR”! My Dad taught me much in this life. I have some wonderful memories. But he gave us the most important gift of all in his last hours. What strikes me most is - not just the joy for him - or the comfort I have now - but the reaction of my own children. When they heard this – they wept! My Dad finally reached out for God. His future AND his legacy changed in that moment. I know my children will be profoundly affected and that this will change them in some powerful ways. Yes Dad – Jesus is our Savior. '