The incessant need to constantly compare them to other kids. Are they sleeping like normal kids? Are they crawling or walking when they should? Are they talking when they should be? Are we on the right track with potty training?
And I see this starting to escalate as Lucas moves up in each grade at school. I see some kids his age reading chapter books, and while Lucas is a great, actually really great, reader- he isn’t quite at that chapter book level yet... What if he is behind? I feel like I'm constantly trying to get around other 2 year olds and listen to them talk to see where Cason is on his speech, numbers, colors, etc... It keeps me up at night worried about how each boy will do as they grow up. Do any of you moms (or dads) let this stuff keep you awake or am I just crazy?
This has just been on my mind SO much lately as Lucas goes into first grade, and Cason gets ready for preschool. I am trying to hard to set my "momma mind and heart" and focus on this.
I honestly have never had the desire (even before I had kids) for them to be the smartest kids at school. I would love it if they were but that just doesn't seem like the most important thing to me. I don't need them to be super athletes- even though I am super proud that Lucas is such a natural athlete (and Cason may be too). I know kids all develop at different rates. I think about myself - My mom has told me my whole life how I was reading books at 3 and I started school at 4 and teachers would take me around to let others hear how well I read for such a young age. So you would think after all that I would be a brain surgeon.
I made good grades in school but I was never a national merit scholar (I know all you grammar police out there know this if you read my blog).
I think I have to continually put myself in check almost every day. Even though panic starts to arise when I think about how Cason will do in preschool - I remember that honestly I only care about two things when it concerns my boys. I don't care if they are the smartest ones in school. I don't care if they are the captain of the football team, president of the National Honor Society, and I don't care if they are voted most popular.
My desire for both boys is that they are kind and giving and that they love Jesus with all their hearts.
That's IT.
I will cheer and clap and jump and holler a whole lot more if they will sit by the kid who is a little different in the cafeteria and offer to share their cookies. Or if they will dry the tears of the kid in their class who gets hurt. Or if they are the first to volunteer when a friend has a need. I will be thrilled to death if they save all their allowance money to help orphans or buy poor kids Christmas gifts. My heart will soar if they will share Jesus with their classmates or invite friends to church. I'm already so full of pride when Cason demands we pray at every meal and then says the sweetest prayers or when I hear Lucas praying in his room by himself. That's better than them being a child prodigy to me all day long.
Those things are eternal. I know being kind and loving God won't pay the bills but they will buy up mansions in heaven.
So I may spend more time teaching kindness or singing "Oh how I love Jesus" and praying with them than I do teaching multiplication tables or Latin verbs.
My biggest prayer as a mom is to train their hearts and not their heads. I know that's NOT the popular way or what seems to be what most people do. And it's a conviction to me to be the example - which means I have to shape up in where my priorities lie. BIG TIME.
Loving God and loving His people to me is what matters most.
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